Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, clear & current picture of yourself and current medical report from your physician. Also, this application will be rejected if handed in before the year 2016!

Name:		Date of Birth:
Height:	Weight:	IQ:	Schooling:
Social Security Number:		Driver's License Number:
Boy Scout Rank:		Telephone:
Home Address:
City:		Postal Code:

1. Do you have one male and one female parent?  ____
   If "No", explain:
   
   
   
2. Number of years your parents have been married:  ____
   Any brothers or sisters?  ____
   Are they normal?  ____
   
   
3. Do you own or have access to a car?  ____
   If so, do you spend a lot of time on the backseat?  ____
   
   
4. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or any other piercing? ____ 
   
   
5. Do you have a tattoo? ____
   If so, is it bigger than mine?  ____
   
   If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.
   
   
6. In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?
   
   
   
   
   
7. In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?
   
   
   
   
   
8. In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?
   
   
   
   
   
9. In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?
   
   
   
   
   
10. Church you attend: ____________________________
    
    How often do you attend: ____________________________
    
    
11. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________
    
    
    
12. Please fill in the blanks:
    
    
    1. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________
       
       
    2. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________
       
       
    3. A woman's place is in the ____________________________
       
       
    4. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________
       
       
    5. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________
       
       Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised
       
       

    
    

13. What do you want to be if you grow up?
    
    
    

Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.